Over Caffeinated, Under Communicated

I got my water bill today and read through the propaganda from the village. I thought about writing a few notes for the readers of Winfield411.com but there was really nothing new to talk about. Just before the Winfield Word hit the circular file I saw a spot on the back called, “Citizen Feedback”.

It says, “The purpose of this section is to provide a way for you to communicate with the village board. We hope you will take the time to jot down any questions, comments, suggestions or opinions regarding the village. Your comments are appreciated. Just find yourself a section of papyrus, use a quill from a turkey feather and write in a mixture of carbon black and Indian gum. Then strap your message to a carrier pigeon or, if you would prefer, find your local pony express and point them in the general direction of the town hall. From whence your communique arrives we will make sure that we have Bob Cratchit give it the once over before we use it as kindling for the Ben Franklin stove that is keeping us warm in the winter.”

Seriously.

No, Seriously.

Ok, I am kidding… but Ca’mon! Paper? Pen? Post Office? Aren’t all those things dead, or possibly endangered? Someone over at the Village Hall needs to hear about the wonder invention of the 1990’s. It’s called the “inter-webs” and was invented by Al Gore, presidential contender and patron saint of global warmers and massage parlors. It’s an amazing invention where a series of ones and zeroes combine to make tens and impossibly small fractions that somehow recombine on the other side of the inter-webs and become either emails or Internet porn depending on your predilections. I prefer email but hey, to each his own, I don’t judge.

Winfield's Communication Core Awaits Their Next Assignment

While I am at it, you would think our village board could find a way to make that WIFI switch they put in 2 years ago public. It seems every coffee shop in America can provide this little smidgen of convenience and customer service but our village cannot. How cool would it be if when the planning and zoning commission went to talk about a particular piece of land, the commissioners could pull up an aerial view in Google Earth? I asked them once and they had a very sophisticated answer that involved “security” and “hackers”. Makes me wonder how Starbucks does it without crashing their global network of hegemony. Maybe the buyers of the Half-Caf-Decaf-Carmel-Cafe-Macciato-Misto-Venti-Dolci-Latte-Cappuccino… mocha… are too caffeinated to hack the intergalactic headquarters of Starbucks. Clearly Winfield is ripe for the pickings of disaffected ex-KGB types that can’t wait to spread the details of the Birutis administration’s executive sessions. Yow.

My point is, if communication is truly important to our village government then they should get with the times and make a concerted effort to use the technology of the day. This includes email and the Internet to expedite their work and make their staff as productive as they can be.

Alright. I’m done now. Barista, pour me another one…